How and why are men achieving this position? Data shows several reasons:
- They are becoming more involved in their children's upbringing. They are changing diapers, giving baths, reading books, and fixing meals. Mr. Mom has become a reality.
- They are educating themselves on how to win. They are no longer spending time convincing the judge that the mother is unfit. They are spending their time convincing the judge that they are just as fit as the mother.
- Women are emotional. Men are proving they are more stable emotionally and they are using intelligence to win.
- More men are willing to spend the money on attorney fees preparing for the fight. They are taking the time to seek the best representation in court.
- Not only are they willing to pay the attorney's fees, they are seeking child support from the mother in certain cases. If they receive joint custody, they are asking that the amount of child support be lowered or they not have to pay support since they are responsible for buying diapers, milk, cloths etc. when they have custody.
- Men are forming support groups and learning from other fathers who have won custody.
- Men are proving they can provide a more stable environment because they have a bigger pay day. They are willing to give up the two seater vehicle and bachelor pad. They are buying homes with backyards and SUVs to ensure they have room for the children and excursions.
The days of having to prove the mother unfit are over ladies. I know, I watched my brother win custody of his two sons. I have not only watched my brother win custody of his sons, his son just won joint custody of his little boy (shown). He gets him weekly and pays no child support. He's responsible for his expenses when this little sweetie is in his custody.
Initially he was ordered to pay child support and had the usual court order, visitation rights every other week-end and holidays. He obtained a new attorney and won joint custody and no child support the second round. What was different the second time? His attorney focused on the fact that he had a better job and medical benefits. He owned a home and the baby's grandparents, my brother and his wife, were within a mile to assist him with the baby's care. They were available to provide child care and there was no better environment for the baby than his grandparents when he was working. What's amazing is they obtained the same lawyer the second time that helped my brother win custody of his two sons 20 years ago. The change occurred within a 3 month timeframe.
My nephew was at a BQ this past week-end with his son, which generated alot of conversation. I listened to an exchange with my son-in-law who's 30 and a 59 year old man while we were there. My son-in-law told the man that he was an irresponsible father because he wasn't involved in his daughter's life when she was growing up. She's now 30, and it's impossible for him to relive those years. My son-in-law told him that he "needed to man up and admit he was wrong for not being there. He also told the man that if he and his wife (my daughter) went separate ways, he would fight for joint custody. There would be nothing that would stop him from being involved in his son's life."
I've watched my son-in-law with my grandson, and there is no doubt in my mind that he would not fight for joint custody of his son or total custody if he thought it was necessary. The thinking of young men these days is quite different from my generation. Most men in my generation did not seek custody, they were happy paying child support and having their freedom if there was a divorce.
I'm proud of my nephew for seeking joint custody of his son. He is an involved father who loves him dearly. If it's impossible to keep your marriage together, gear up for the fight ladies. Men are preparing to do battle for their most treasured possession.