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Monday, 21 December 2009

The topic on Dr. Phil today was bullying. The show was entitled Girl World. I published a post similar to this in 2006, 4 years later it is still a big topic. I posted a survey with the intention of writing a new post on this topic, I though today would be perfect. Especially, since it was a topic on Dr. Phil. Around 60 percent of our readers believe bullying is a result of poor parenting, 40 percent of the readers do not believe poor parenting is the underlying problem of a bully. Guess what people, bullying is a result of a lack of discipline. Who's responsible for discipline, parents.

Do you have a child in school? Are they concerned about school bullies or are they a school bully? School bullies are a national problem in America's school systems. Bullies can be found in elementary, junior, and high schools. A bully is defined as a person with internal anger, resentment, and aggression. A bully also lacks interpersonal skills and chooses to displace their aggression onto another person. It's anti-social behavior. School bullies usually come from families who lack warmth and affection or from abusive homes. They are usually poor students and aggressive, however, this is not always the rule. A new bred of bullies have emerged. They are referred to as "brat bullies or cyber bullies". These bullies are usually seen as spoiled, and they believe the world should revolve around them.

Parents, teachers, and students should take bullying seriously. Also, bullying isn't gender specific. Girls are just as capable as bullying as boys, they just use different tactics. Boys usually resort to physical violence. Girls inflict psychological pain by calling their victim names, starting rumors, gossiping, backbiting, or excluding the victim from groups or parties. Psychological abuse can be just as devastating as physical abuse. Some of the effects of psychological abuse are eating disorders, ulcers, depression, and suicide.

I've experienced bullying first hand with my daughter, which is why this topic is so near and dear to my heart. In high school, she was threaten with violence and had her car keyed because she wouldn't give a girl a ride home. Now the girl who asked for a ride, was not a friend. She wasn't even friendly toward my daughter, but she expected my daughter to drive her around. There were a group of 3 - 4 girls involved in the clique. After involving the school officials and the local police department, the reasons that the bullies gave for disliking my daughter were geared toward material possessions. My daughter's cloths, her car, and her financial means. I should also mention that my daughter is petite; bullies usually choose victims that they perceive as vulnerable in some respect. Three of the girls came from dysfunctional backgrounds; however, 1 came from a stable and financially secure home. In today's world, she would be referred to as the "brat bully".

Nasty emails and text messages are a part of the brat bully's psychological warfare too. So, bullies are not limited to children who come from poverty, low income, broken homes or suffer from low self-esteem. Bullies can be wearing the latest fashions, engage in the lastest technological trends, and be raised in middle class and well to do homes. Beware! They call their victims fat, ugly, poor, make fun of the victim's family or their cloths. They send emails or post pictures of the victim on-line and make fun of them.

Pay attention parents. If your child displays any of the following signs, they may be having problems with a bully:

  • Afraid to walk or ride the bus to school
  • Feeling ill in the morning, and not wanting to go to school
  • Asking for extra money or starts to steal
  • Starts bullying siblings
  • Stops eating or starts eating excessively
  • Poor grades
  • Cloths torn or dirty
  • Starts stammering
  • Crying themselves to sleep at night
  • Crying before going to school
  • Attempts or mentions suicide
  • States that they hate themselves
  • Withdraws from activities that they previously enjoyed
  • Nightmares

  • Let your child know that not everyone will like them, but they don't have to put up with abuse. Notify school officials of your concerns, and ensure that proper action is taken to safeguard your child. It affects a person's self-esteem and leaves life long scars.

    If your child is a bully, you must address the pain that your child is inflicting. Don't think that it's not a big deal, children are killing themselves as a result of the pain they are enduring. Dr. Phil ended his show with this question, how do we stop bullying? Have you set a good example for your child? Are you contributing to your child's mistreatment of another person? This is a serious issue within our society that must be addressed. We would love to hear from you, please leave us a comment.


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